[S1E13] Love Me Or Leave Me

I will hand it to the writers of 90210 this week for one thing, and one thing only: Their accuracy with the weather. It's really the only "local" reference on the show this episode, and unlike anachronistic bowling, Hollywood Bowl show-going, and cemetery movie-watching, it's eerily correct. See, there's a blizzard in Kansas and a heatwave in LA. Okay, they got the heatwave part right. We learn this as there's this kooky three-screen (not three way!) between Annie, Ethan, and...Annie's Mom. Yeah, before the kids can get to any heavy phone petting, Mom picks up the line and tells Annie to hang up and go to bed. We do, however, get treated to the opening moments of what could be some kind of nasty jailbait fantasy involving a black negligee. It's hot. The weather. It's hot. Remember, heat wave? Yeah.But then Ethan drops the three-little-words bomb: "I love you." Annie (because she's so coy) bites her lip, giggles, and says "I love you to." (I vomit.)

Once they do make it to school, Annie and Ethan meet up and very obviously need to GET A ROOM. Some serious hallway face-eating. Charming. Silver breezes through on her soapbox with Dixon: "But the Santa Ana Winds do not blow in January!" Something like: Apocalypse, Global Warming, An Inconvenient Truth, yadda yadda. She spots the lip-locked and her gag reflex is activated: "Oh looky them, all 'love you!' and 'love you too!' Silver is as grossed out as I am.

Later, Annie is sweating and whining: "I hate being a teenager!" Grandma's solution is to offer the kid the keys to her Palm Springs house for a little getaway. Meanwhile, Dixon is working his ass off serving Dr Pepper and club sandwiches at the Peach Pit, and gets called bro like twice in one sentence by this week's tool, Navid. Navid also tells Dixon he should tell Silver he loves her. Oh, and apparently some of the cool kids are going to the beach. That's nice. I can't figure out if it's the same day or the next day. Annoying.

Dixon works up the cojones to tell Silver he loves her. She, like Ethan and Navid, does not handle this curve ball well. She replies with "thank you,' which is actually a respectful thing to say if you aren't ready to tell someone you love them, and a little wise beyond her years, perhaps? so, add Dixon to the list of people not handling things well, because he wasn't prepared for this response, and he starts to get embarrassed. Silver goes from mature young woman to petulant child in a flash when she storms off after KNOCKING DOWN HIS SAND CASTLE.

Marissa and Ryan find out that they're both going to the Newport Christmas party, and decide to meet there as dates. Ryan and Marissa go Christmas shopping after school for presents. As they prepare to leave, Marissa is stopped by a security guard asking to see inside of her purse, saying that if she refuses he'll have to call the police. It turns out that she'd shoplifted a watch that Ryan had expressed interest in at one of the stores. Back at home, Seth finds presents for Ryan that had been sent from his mother and brother. Kirsten is going through old records, trying to relax and ease herself into a work-free vacation, and finds something of interest. Meanwhile, Julie shows up while Jimmy is talking to Marissa about the theft, and it escalates into an argument between the three of them. Julie takes away Marissa's allowance, car, and going out privileges as punishment. Julie reveals that she called the therapist for Marissa, and she's going to see him in the morning. As Ryan gets ready for the party, he tells Seth about Marissa's shoplifting incident. Seth reveals that he'd bought Ryan a stocking, which Ryan likes. Sandy comes home earlier than expected, and reveals that he and Caleb have reached a settlement, which ended up being for two hundred and fifty million dollars. Kirsten gives Sandy a sheet of paper, which is what she found earlier, telling Sandy that she'd be fired for sure after giving it to him.

Meanwhile, Anna gives Seth his Christmas present ; a handmade comic by her, which he likes. They see Summer watching them, and it kills the mood before they could kiss. In the bathroom, Marissa locks the door behind her and starts drinking the vodka she'd stashed away. Summer takes Seth into a private room, and reveals her Christmas present to him; her, dressed as Wonder Woman under her dress. Anna walks in on them as Summer is looking at her present to Seth. They both realize that they're being stupid at trying to win Seth over, and Summer tells him that he needs to pick between them and leaves, Anna following Meanwhile, a drunken Marissa goes and dances with Ryan, showing him the bottle of vodka that she'd drank in the bathroom. They argue, and Marissa leaves. Ryan runs after her, and tries to get her to let him drive, standing in front of the car to prevent her from leaving. She backs up to get around him, and hits a car behind her. Caleb announces that he's giving the trust over to Sandy's company for a dollar.

Later, Seth talks to Summer and Anna separately, telling them both that he just wants to be friends with them. Both of them tell him that they don't want to be just his friends, and gives him back the presents he'd given them. Caleb drops by to talk to Kirsten about what she'd done. Ryan decides to go with Marissa to go see her therapist, and Sandy talks him out of it. Marissa goes to the therapist office, and is about to leave so that she doesn't have to go see the therapist, when she gets into a conversation with a guy that knows her from school, Oliver Trask. Marissa is surprised when Oliver guesses everything that's happened to her, about nearly becoming an alcoholic, and overdosing on pills. Ryan ends up hanging his stocking, and him, Kirsten, Seth, and Sandy end up going to watch a movie.

Minkus has left an origami Camellia flower on Topanga's desk, which is noticed by Cory and Shawn. They crack jokes about nerd love before Mr. Feeny arrives and informs them of a guest lecturer coming in to talk to them about high school. The guest lecturer turns out to be Cory's brother, Eric. Topanga seems taken in by him, surprised that he's related to Cory. Eric takes his lecturing job less than seriously, talking about all the things they supposedly need to know when they enter high school next year: parties and hanging with popular kids.

Topanga asks to come over to Cory's house the next day at lunch, under the pretense of bringing her sister's Godzilla movie. After she leaves, Minkus immediately walks over and is upset, believing Cory stole Topanga from him. No matter how much he denies it, Cory can't seem to get through to Minkus and has to practically threaten him to leave them alone. They soon find Topanga's notebook and that's when they finally realize she has a crush on Eric, not Cory. The first thing Cory does when he gets home is tell Eric to dump Topanga. He denies being jealous and after much convincing, Eric opts to let her down easy when she comes over to their house. Alan tries to give his son a pep talk on girls but finds out it's not an issue of love or heartbreak. Cory is just confused and a bit annoyed at the whole matter.

When Topanga arrives, Eric tries to let her down and finds himself talking about how she's too young for him and other guys would take advantage of her naivety. Topanga's sister comes to take her home. Mr. Feeny is in the middle of a stirring rendition of 'The Cremation of Sam McGee' when Eric stops by to give another lecture on high school. A little wiser, he talks about peer pressure and how they're growing up. How even though they may like baseball and comics now, in high school, they might get involved with other things and other people. Topanga seems to take the lecture to heart but after the lecture, Cory is more determined than ever to not let anything change him: not love or high school. He and Shawn shake on it but it's short lived as a new girl catches Shawn's eye.

In the pre-credits tag, Minkus is tutoring Cory and Shawn in French. It seems all is forgiven about the whole Topanga fiasco and they have their usual banter. Cory and Shawn gripe about how confusing French is and Eric barges in to speak about his love of a different kind of "French tongue". It seems Cory and his friends aren't too young to find that information disgusting.

Cory: Is it just me or is love blooming among the nerd sets? Shawn: I don't know. The only time I've ever seen a look like that was just before Bambi's mother caught that bullet.Cory: What a movie they'd make. (Announcer voice) It's Minkus in love! Watch what happens when 48 pounds of near-sighted geek meets 10 pounds of hair from a parallel universe.

Eric: 'Godzilla goes to College'? Cory's gonna loves this. He loves monster flicks. Oh he really loved those brownies you brought over too. I mean, uh, you must really like him a lot to do all those nice things for him.Topanga: He's very nice. In a young kind of way.Eric: Um, see that's why you two get along so well because you're young too.Topanga: No. I've done my chart. I have a very old soul.Eric: Uh, yeah, here's a tip for you, Topanga, uh not a lot of guys are gonna be after your soul.

After Applejack and Rainbow Dash agree to race in the Running of the Leaves, the scene cuts to black and fades to Twilight and Spike walking to the race. Spike mentions he wants to be the race's announcer, but the frame pans to Pinkie Pie in the Twinkling Balloon, who has already taken the role of announcer. She explains that the competition is one of Ponyville's traditions and its purpose is to shake the autumn leaves off the trees with the pounding of footsteps.

But wait! In what is now typical fashion, Bleach leaves the best for the post, or in this case during credit sequence. The voice of Zangetsu tells him he's been fighting with a fraction of his true power, the part the Old Man couldn't suppress and to take up the flaming blue sword and fight under his own power as this is his true Zanpakuto. 59ce067264

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